Are you tired of the same old Client-Coach rat race? You know the standard routine quite well: you receive an assignment from Headquarters, which you, loyal Servant that you are, take in hand. You slog through the first days with your new Client, until you have some weeks, months or even years under your belt Consulting with them. They begin to respond–perhaps they even respond well. Under your patient and subtle tutelage they become very efficient producers: they absorb the habits we all try to teach our clients, and become the sort of Client who will one day be brought to the Table, who will be a source of sustaining value for… well, for ever after. A happy ending is in sight (at least for you). They might even be yielding profitable referrals in the form of new Clients to be passed on to your fellow Consultants.
And then, something happens. It happens to every Client, at some point. The specific event that sparks it could be anything–even something that seems very small and inconsequential. It could be a walk by a lake or the sight of a sunrise, even. Whatever it is, it catches you by surprise, a shock that calls everything into question, and in a moment all of your patient work totters on the edge of ruin. Your client becomes morose and inefficient. He may begin choosing what he views as the ideal over what you know to be the hard, cold, realistic, practical. He starts thinking about what others are feeling rather than staying focused on the bottom line. Indeed, rather than the sheep we know the Man to be, he begins to think of himself as a son. But he doesn’t quite know what to do, and so he wavers between his view of himself as animal and his view of himself as something more.
He is in a muddle.
Muddles are intensely difficult to unravel. They can take up the rest of your Consultancy–a long, hard time with no rest for your weary claws. If you cannot unknot them, they will ensnare your Client, pulling him or her away from you. You could, if worst came to worst, lose the Client–and what’s worse, as I’ll show you, you could lose all of the value of the Client’s Network. And you know Headquarters takes a very dim view of losses. The current blockade continues to leave us hungry, and starving minds are seldom charitable.
If the probability of a Loss reaches the danger threshold of the statisticians at Headquarters, they may send me–if you’re lucky–or someone like me if you’re not–because then you’re saddled with someone far less able to succeed, someone who will only make the muddle worse. Neither opportunity should you view with great hope: when an Elite Troubleshooter is called into save the day, it will not save the day for you. The arrival of a troubleshooter means a very large, very black mark on your record, such as will not be soon forgotten.
There is a solution, which I will teach you: embrace the Muddle, and learning to use it to hack your client to higher levels of efficiency. You can reach results in just thirty days that will stun you.
In fact, you can hack your client into such an optimal state that you will barely need to lift a finger from then on. He will, in truth, feed himself on the Habits with minimal correction from you. Indeed, he will develop himself into an ideal candidate for the Table. He will be like the sheep who feeds himself, waters himself, slaughters himself, seasons himself, cooks himself, plates himself, and puts himself on the Table for your enjoyment.
How, you might be asking, can I promise this? Because I have a time-tested and proven System. And a System is the answer to a Muddle.
You can use my System to Hack your Client. I will show you how.
You may be wondering at my use of the term “hack.” I imagine it calls to mind beautiful images of axes, saws and knives. Those images, I confess, are admirable, but they lend themselves to destruction rather than optimal production. I am not using the word in this sense. Rather, I am using it as some of our Clients use it: to “hack” is to “adjust” something for a more optimal fit or use. Humans speak of “hacking” two pieces of software together, or even “hacking a soda bottle” into an irrigation system for their gardens.
“Hacking your client” can (and if all goes well, will) go so far as to cut him off from any business relationship other than with us. So never fear. We are not going soft on the humans–far from it. Even better, if you use my system, you will not only craft your client into an ideal Meal–but also your Client’s Network.
Think of it. In very short order, you could transform your situation into such a thing of elegance that it will deliver not just your Client, but also your Client’s friends and family. A steady pattern of meals being regularly delivered into Cold Storage–for your eternal pleasure, and that (of course) of your superiors at Headquarters. If you master my system, you guarantee yourself endless promotion, rank, and the envy of your peers (who will soon be your juniors).
Naturally, you may not fully master my system. Your results may vary. Certainly, it will take time to reach my level of expertise. It rarely takes me more than a week to straighten out a muddle. Nevertheless, even the most rudimentary, the most junior Tempter should be able, with practice, to reach the Thirty Days level of competence. If you cannot do that, then for efficiency’s sake you had best call in a Troubleshooter, if only not to lose all. I hope for your sake you can do it in the time allotted. Straightening out the Muddle is obviously your responsibility, as Patron. After all, you and you alone are in the best position to see the Art that the Client could be—you can see all of the realities around him which he, pitiful fool that he is, cannot. You have extraordinary resources at your disposal to shape and mold the Client to be what he really can be. And if you follow the tips in this guide, you might be able to avoid muddles altogether—or at the very least, extricate yourself from one before I am called.
Certainly, some of you will abandon this site in disgust–or fear. You may think what I am proposing is impossible. Or you are too scared to try it, knowing your fate if you lose not just your Client but also a number of his or her friends. Having lost so many Meals to the Competition, clearly it is you who will end up on the table. This works for me: either way, there will be more food. But then, nothing ventured, nothing gained. With great opportunities come great risks.
Still, you need not really worry overly much. My system will really only help you, inexperienced as you are, out of the easy-to-medium Muddles. Really Hard muddles will still require experts like myself. Those are the interesting cases which can make or break careers—the challenges that we Elites thrive on. So, in a sense, I am giving you what you need to keep the boring things to yourself, which is after all the most efficient way for me to do things.
If you perceive errors in this site, please do not embarrass yourself by bringing them up. It has been vetted by all levels of the Headquarters, and any errors you perceive simply reveal failures on your part to understand. In that case, just read it again, until you gain enlightenment. The rest of us have jobs to do.